Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
