no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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