Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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