i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
