i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
she was so not down for the gang bang
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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