I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
