I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Randomize
