i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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