i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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