Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
