if you like me you must not know who I am
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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