i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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