I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
