i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
You made out with two different species that night
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
