We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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