Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
