Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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