Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Randomize
