Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Randomize
