onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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