this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
