i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
