You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
