Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
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