I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
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Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
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When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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