She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
