Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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