I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
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is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
He has the fingertips of a God
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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