Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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