i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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