Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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