There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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