i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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