first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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