glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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