I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
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It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
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*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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