is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
