I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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