I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
