the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
