You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
