I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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