my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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