I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
