Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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