a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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