Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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