You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
