Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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