What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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