Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
