I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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