Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
