I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
