Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
