Non-Jews are for practice
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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