They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I am mentally ready for anal.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
