what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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