marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
