he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
