I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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