1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
