can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
